


this is home

by beantow



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Abandonment, Aftermath of Violence, Child Abuse, F/F, Guilt, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:54:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beantow/pseuds/beantow
Summary: a domestic night with Catra and Adora back in Bright Moon after the war. Catra wakes up from a nightmare, she and Adora talk about some emotional matters that have been on their mind, and they go back to bed together, cuddling.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 138





	this is home

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all! I wanted to explore the aftermath of the war and how it would affect our favorite little darlings. this is only rated mature because of the heavy emotional trauma talked about in this work. it's mostly a lot of fluff and them supporting each other and being soft.

A soft rain showered the kingdom of Bright Moon, and despite the clouds overhead, Catra could still see the stars in the sky, shining brightly through the window. She sat on the windowsill of Adora’s room in the castle and leaned her head on the glass, the pitter-patter of the water droplets almost lulling her back to sleep.

Almost.

She hadn’t been able to fall asleep. There was a lot on her mind, all having to do with that beautiful woman lying in the bed across the room. Catra turned to look at her. How did she look so perfect all the time, even when she was sleeping? She looked so soft with hair loose, glowing ever so slightly in the light of the Moon Stone, and her chest gently heaving up and down with each breath.

Catra sighed and turned back to the window, squinting at the night sky for the stars that made up Adora’s and her First Ones sigil. How did the First Ones determine which stars were important enough to make into letters, into words? They were all so bright, so beautiful, and if Adora hadn’t so patiently shown her their sigils, there was absolutely no way she’d have been able to pick it out.

Honestly, Catra would never get used to having the stars in the sky. They’d grown up on an Etheria whose night sky was nothing but a blank canvas, and to suddenly see a splash of color, to see light and glimmer on it...it made her uncomfortable.

What would’ve happened if they’d grown up with them? Maybe they wouldn’t have been able to see them in the Fright Zone anyways, what with all the smog and the fluorescent lights being churned out day and night.

“Catra?” a voice called out behind her.

“Yeah?” She looked back at Adora, who sat up in bed and gazed at her with her big blue eyes. She returned a soft smile, her heart fluttering at the sight of Adora looking so...so vulnerable. 

“Having trouble sleeping?”

Catra nodded and stared at the sigils again. “Yeah. Got a lot on my mind.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Adora offered, walking towards her. She sat on the other side of the windowsill, their knees nearly touching and their feet grazing each other. 

She took in a sharp breath, hesitating for a moment. She had been going to therapy and doing meditation with Perfuma, and as reluctant as she was to admit it, it actually helped. She smiled at Adora. “Actually, yes.”

Adora returned the smile, her eyes growing even softer. “What’s on your mind?”

Catra pulled her eyes away from the stars and fixed her gaze onto Adora. She tugged her knees to her chest and rested her head on them. Her chest tightened a little as Adora looked at her patiently, just waiting. “You,” she said finally.

Adora raised an eyebrow at her. “What about me?”

“I still feel...terrible about how I treated you and your friends, how much I hurt you,” she choked out, a sob in her throat and a tear tugging on the edge of her eye. 

“You know I forgive you, right?” Adora offered a hand out to Catra.

She returned a sad half-hearted smile to Adora and placed her hand into Adora’s. Adora ran her thumb over Catra’s knuckles slowly, tracing over each bump and curve of her hand. 

How did she get so lucky?

“I know,” Catra started. “It’s just—sometimes I wish you didn’t. It would make things easier. Y’know. If you were still mad at me, I could be mad at myself too.”

“I know what you mean,” said Adora, squeezing Catra’s hand. “I feel that way too. I keep thinking about how much I hurt you, too. Why do I deserve forgiveness?”

“Yeah, but you—you were doing it to save the world. I was just being...bitter and petty and immature.”

“But you recognize that now, and that, Catra, that…” She looked directly at Catra. “You tried to fix it. You’ve been trying to fix it. You’re a good person, Catra.”

The raindrops filled the silence between them, softly knocking on the window, greeting their presence by the windowsill. Adora briefly looked at the sky and smiled. “It’s crazy how much we missed out on when we were younger. Can you imagine if we had stars growing up?”

Catra chuckled and wiped away a small tear. “They’re so beautiful.”

“And hey, um…”

“Yeah?”

“Even if I helped save the world or whatever...I still think about all the battles I’ve been in, everyone I hurt or even killed. I wish I could bring them back. 

“Besides. It’s not your fault that the Horde raised you that way and didn’t give you the love and support you deserve.”

Catra knew Adora was right, and that each that she was working on trying to be a better person than she was yesterday, but she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to fully redeem herself for everything she’d done. Maybe it wasn’t about redemption. Maybe it was about trying, like Adora said, about trying to become a better person. 

“Come back to bed?” asked Adora, leaving the windowsill and stretching her hand back to Catra again. 

She took Adora’s hand and climbed back into bed with her. Adora wrapped her arms around Catra, pulling her closer. 

This was yet another thing she’d never get used to: to finally lie next to the girl she loved, to be coiled in such an embrace each night, to feel so loved. Sure, she’d slept at the foot of Adora’s bed each night growing up, but it was nothing compared to being under the covers together, sharing their body heat and exchanging unsaid words with their soft touches.

When Adora had left the Horde, it hadn’t felt real until Catra had climbed into her own bunk for the first time in years. The Horde was great at making you feel alone, feeling like it was every person for themselves, but Adora—oh, Adora had always been there, always by her side, no matter what, and she’d never felt truly alone. When she’d left…

The pang gnawed at her.  _ I can’t lose her again, _ she’d told Bow and Glimmer. She meant it. She didn’t want to be in a world without Adora again, not now. She burrowed her face into Adora’s neck, taking in all of her warmth. 

It had been a few weeks since the end of the war, but she still couldn’t relax at night. Every time she closed her eyes, flashes of the war came to her, and she was trapped again, so small, so weak, so powerless. She snorted. During the war, she hadn’t been able to sleep because she was afraid someone would kill her. Now...well, she couldn’t sleep because of herself, and she’d be lying if she didn’t think about one of her enemies coming for her in her sleep. That way, she wouldn’t have to face Adora and the tens, hundreds of other people she’d hurt. 

But that would be the easy way out, and the right way was never just the easiest way. 

_ No.  _ Catra swallowed.  _ That isn’t a way at all. _

The nightmares had gotten worse lately. The worst of them were always iterations of moments from when she was chipped and under Horde Prime’s control. It was terrifying. When she’d been chipped, she’d still been in there, but she wasn’t in control of anything. She’d been a spectator in her own body, which moved only with the hive mind and feeding on her own memories and fears. Tonight’s culprit had been a direct flashback to the moment “she” and Adora had their fight; when she watched as she attacked Adora and flung her around, when she stood on the platform, watching, powerless while her very own claws dug into Adora’s— _ her _ Adora’s back as she committed the crime of holding Catra tenderly. How she’d screamed inside her head, screamed at the hive mind, trying to reject Horde Prime and just hug Adora back. Instead, Horde Prime quite literally forced her hand to hurt her dear love.

“Does it hurt?” mumbled Catra, pulling her face out of Adora’s neck.

“Hm?” There were those loving eyes again, and there was that flutter in her stomach. 

“Does…” Catra gulped, the words stuck in her throat and her heart beginning to race. “Does it hurt?” Her hands ghosted over Adora’s upper back. 

Adora began to shake her head no, but she glanced at Catra and her face relaxed. Catra’s heart sank. “A little,” she admitted. “But it’s mostly healed.”

“We hurt each other a lot, didn’t we?”

“We did.”

A wave of silence washed over them. She really had grown a lot from the time the Best Friends Squad had rescued her, but she still had a long way to go. She’d fought by their side, literally thrown herself in harm’s way for Adora, for her friends, for the sake of the Rebellion, but it would still take more time and more therapy before she would ever truly feel like she deserved to be forgiven. 

And it wasn’t about forgiveness. It was about making sure she did the right thing, about becoming a person that made the right choices and learned how to support her friends and talk about her feelings properly, instead of lashing out and trying to push everyone away.

It was embarrassing that someone like Double Trouble had to tell her that. She’d known it in her heart, but she’d been too afraid to admit it. It was easier to believe that she chose to leave the people she cared before they inevitably left because they didn’t want her. 

At least then, the pain was her choice, her own doing and not someone else’s. 

She sighed and looked at Adora who lay so peacefully.

How was it that someone so strong, so wonderful, so amazing was hers? How was it that this beautiful girl was laying by her side, comforting  _ her _ when she’d been the one to save the world from the doom that Catra had inevitably been a part of perpetrating? This beautiful girl, both her skin and her loose golden hair, shimmering in the night. 

To see her with her hair down, laying there softly—never in a million years did Catra imagine she’d see it again. Even growing up, Adora had always slept in her ponytail, hair poof and all. After all, the Horde had conditioned them to be ready at all times, even when they were in bed, when they were supposed to be resting. But her having her hair loose, it meant that she was resting, instead of worrying about wrestling the next fire she’d have to put out.

That she was relaxing.

That she was done fighting.

Catra reached out and tucked a strip of Adora’s hair behind her ear. “I like when you have your hair down.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm,” grunted Catra. “Makes you seem softer. Less like an eight foot tall warrior princess, and more like you. More vulnerable and real.”

“I like being vulnerable with you,” Adora said, without hesitating.

“I…” Catra stared at Adora blankly, her eyes wide. “You like...being vulnerable with me?”

“Yes.” Adora placed her head into Catra’s hand, letting her fingers cradle her cheek. “I feel safe with you.”

A soft purr rumbled in her chest and her throat. “I feel safe with you too.”

“I’m glad.”

Catra leaned forward and kissed Adora’s nose gently. “Hey, Adora?”

“Yeah?”

“Is there anything I can do to make it hurt less?”

“Just come here,” whispered Adora, pulling Catra in closer. She winced a little as she heard Adora hiss in pain, but she obeyed and burrowed deeper into Adora’s chest. “I wish we’d done this when we were younger.”

“Oh, you mean, defeat a control freak who thinks “peace” requires genocide? Yeah.”

Adora rolled her eyes and snorted. “You’re a dumbass.”

“And you’re an idiot.”

She leaned into Catra’s face, her eyes bright in the light. “I love you.” Soft lips fell onto Catra’s own, sending shivers down her spine. 

“I love you too.”

She brought her forehead to Adora’s and entwined their fingers together, just holding on. Catra closed her eyes and breathed in Adora’s scent, letting it fill her nose and lungs. There was little that made her feel relaxed, calm, but even from the days with the Horde, being able to smell Adora always made her feel safe.

Made her feel like she was home. 

_ Oh, Adora.  _ It didn’t matter where they were, whether it was the Fright Zone, Mara’s ship, or Bright Moon. It only mattered that she was with Adora. Catra closed her eyes and sank into the bed, fully letting herself sink into Adora’s embrace. 

_ I’m finally home. _


End file.
